...:: Luscious Nirvana ::...

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 18

2008-12-27T06:56:29Z

He's home!!

I nearly fell on him when he walked into the door - he looked tired, as usual, but when I had my arms around him, I know he was smiling. At first, he didn't know what to do with his hands, but eventually he put them around my back. Something about that makes everything seem right in the world... doesn't it?

"How is your nose?" he asked. "Bedder," I said - I can't say 't's very well, because of my nose, but I can at least write them.

*there is a row of t's written in different styles underneath this paragraph.*

He pulled away from me and looked at me... really looked at my face, the lack of hair, and for so long and with so much intensity, I frowned and looked down. "I look ugly, I dow..."

"No, it's not that," he started, squeezing my shoulders. "I just wanted to tell you that Innotia is all right and she is recovering. And also... that you look like a survivor."

"A whud?"

"A survivor. I meant to say this the first time I met you, but you look as if you have seen far many things than you let on." It was a peculiar thing to say - and it took me back a bit, but it made my chest puff out with pride. "You dink?" I asked him, and he laughed - a low and dark laugh, but one nonetheless. "I do. Now, get yourself to bed, it's late."

Obviously I haven't gone to bed yet, now have I?

...oops, he's calling up the stairs because he can hear me laughing. :< I must go!

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 17

2008-12-27T06:54:50Z

I'm glad I saved you, Seraph, and Demea from the fire.

Turns out, it wasn't Wisp at all - it was Inno, and I... don't know what happened, but she just started lighting everything on fire. He wasn't at home, so he couldn't witness her grab my shoulder and set me aflame. Well... there went my long hair.

I didn't want to hurt her, so I shoved her away from myself and just fled. Before I could make it out of the door though, Inno said words that shook me down to my very core:

"Shikai... I love you! Don't leave me..."

I glanced back at her - her, crouched in the middle of the room, hands in her fiery hair and weeping as the house began to cave in on us. I must have looked longer than she wanted me to, because before long, she had grabbed ahold of my head and was smacking it against the wall in fury. I was dazed, but after she had gotten two good crunching noises out of my head, I found the strength to turn around and stare at her.

I could feel the blood running down my face as I clutched a shivering Demea and Seraph flew around her head, making squawking noises of rage. I really looked into her eyes this time - and before she threw a punch, I had caught it in Darkness and was wrenching it downwards.

I barely remember the tears, but he told me I cried for days afterwards, so there must have been.

"Innotia... this isn't love." I could feel it then, and I could feel it now - in the very bottom of my soul, that the smiling girl that I had brought with me to Undraegon had fallen under the illness completely. Just like I could not live in her own world, she could not live in mine, much less with these feelings she called love. I remember her holding onto my hands longer than normal when I told her I was going to live with Wisp - and it occurred to me, that my stupidity had prevented me from even noticing how much she was suffering.

"I love you," she sobbed, dabbing at my nose with a torn part of her dress.

"We're getting out of here," I told her, grabbing her hand and dragging her, crying, down the stairs and out into the lightly falling snow of Undraegon. She collapsed at my feet and held fast to my ankles, and told me she loved me over and over again, but there was nothing I could do but stare at her with tears in my eyes.

"Inno, I am so sorry..." I can still remember the look she gave me - that look of complete helplessness.

I could feel someone grasp my shoulders from behind, and then hear someone yelling, but that was all.

Now, I'm lying somewhere outside of Undraegon, my nose in a bandage. The tears have stopped but the painful memories will continue on - that I know. I should have noticed... somewhere along the line. I should have taken action instead of let her waste away...

But the things he tells me are different. He says that if she had more control on herself, she would have known when it was time to go home. He said that I should have told him what was going on, because then he would have been able to distinguish it as the Sickness - it happens to dragons too, he said. He told me that he was going to take her home to Th'iurne, and that he would explain the situation to the leaders there, and they would welcome her home with open arms.

Waiting has never been so miserable...

Seraph sits atop my head - most of it is singed off, so I'm mostly bald. With all my years of dyeing my hair blonde, I never imagined that bald would look good on me, but it's an all right style. The weirdest part is that I can see my two-toned eyes at the same time, and it almost frightens me to see the colour difference between them. Usually I have hair over one eye or the other, so I can play up the illusion that I only have one colour eye, but now... well, I'm not fooling anyone.

I try not to think about Inno. At least, not right now. I can't stand the pain it brings me. Regardless of what he says... I know that this was my fault, in part. She traveled this entire way, and suffered - and I never gave her a second glance. Maybe I'll be ready to hear from her when she sends me a letter.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 16

2008-12-27T06:52:34Z

Seraph has gotten better, and now she's walking around on my neck and shoulders. Training in Dark... err, Shadow... is harder than I thought. I've gotten at least as good as moving a ball of the Dark about - as I'm writing, I'm twirling it around my fingers right now. It feels strange to keep my hair long and dark... Wisp says it's better for my powers that way, but I doubt that's the reason. During training, he's always touching my hair - saying it looks nice when it's not bleached to a crisp.

I'm starting to believe him, too.

Sometimes during training, I ask him how he got to Undraegon, and how he came to be a dragon caretaker, but he looks so sad I can't bear to ask him any more than one question. Sometimes he pats my shoulder and tells me that I'm "still pure." I don't know what he means - I never told him any of the things that happened on my journey, but then again, maybe he means that I'm still pure in my heart. I can't tell.

Inno and I used to live in the inn on the other side of Undraegon, but since I've been training with him, I've moved in with him. Sometimes she sends me notes, and sometimes we meet, but lately... I've noticed her eyes are getting glassier and glassier, as if the life is draining out of her. I... I don't know what to do but help her build a fire so that she can cleanse her body in it - as pieces of rotting skin fall off in the fire and are replaced by a youthful, smooth one, I can't help but think that Undraegon for her is the reverse Fire Fever for me.

I talk to her sometimes, but she has lately become so quiet, I'm afraid to say anything anymore, lest I hurt her any more than I have to. I tell her that we can go back to Th'iurne, but she says that she wants me to become a Shadow Master, and that's that. Why is she staying? This I can't understand but I... it's my duty to help her in any way I can, even if it does mean staying up some nights after my training to help her with her cleansing.

Just recently, I came back to Wisp's place after stoking a fire for her - she had said nothing the entire night, but then all of the sudden screamed at me, and threw my hands into the fire. I was still rubbing the scarred skin when I came back to his house. He opened the door before I could even put the key in, and saw my hands before I could even explain what happened.

I really... I didn't know what happened then, but I burst into tears when I saw him.

His eyes, previously grey when I had first seen him, seemed to turn a pale blue as he watched me for a moment, and then held out his arms. His embrace was cool - I suppose it would be strange to other people, but it was comforting to me, after having been burnt by Innotia. He walked me into the room, and sat me down on the nearest chair, and told me, "I'm going to get you something cold for that..."

But I cried and grasped at him, and told him he couldn't go.

So he sat down in the chair with me and wrapped his arms around me - and just pressed his nose to my hair and smiled. "It's okay, Shikai," he said. "You'll be all right."

"I don't know what to do," I cried. And I really didn't know what to do. Do I stay here, or do I go back with Inno? They seemed like the only two choices at the time. He didn't know what I was talking about, of course - it was only later today that he said he didn't know what he should have done, since he was so unaccustomed to people crying around him.

Well, it's funny what being hurt and wanting to heal hurt makes us do. Or maybe, speeds up what we wanted to do in the first place.

He lifted my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. "You are not alone," he said firmly. "You are never, ever alone." And then he kissed me.

In retrospect, I should have noticed that it was the first time anyone had kissed me, or really even held me after Cae. Loneliness had set in on my soul, and it was so hard to shake free, especially during the hard days of travel that I had been through. But really, Journal - I don't even think of Cae anymore. I had to look back in the pages of this book to remember what I called him.

But what I do know now is that training sessions in the Dark have gotten much more intense since that kiss. His eyes seem to be continually blue, and he takes my hand and leads me in a graceful dance across the steps in how to make Shadow wrap around your fingers... nothing beyond what happened that night has happened now, but days pass when I writhe in my own chair thinking about what would happen after a kiss, after his touches, and beyond just the chair that we sat in that night.

I still don't know what to do about Inno... but these fantasies take me far away from my own worries and into something so full of ecstasy, it's hard even to sit still while writing this.

Huh? Oh, there's a knock on the door. It's probably him.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 15

2008-12-27T06:50:30Z

At lunch, we talked about a lot of different things - suffice to say, that he and I seem so completely different, yet almost the same. He smiles sometimes, but it's quite uncommon so see him laugh - sometimes I think it's because he's too composed to laugh. He watches me like he admires me, and I asked him how good he was in the talents of the Dark.

Personally, he said, he may not be that good, but...

But then, when a fork dropped from my plate, he caught it using only the small strip of shadow that was underneath the table. I eyed him for a while, and then finally...

Well, I asked him to train me. He says he's nothing special, but he's amazingly good at Shadow.. maybe even better than Vikas, I'm not sure...

It'll be a bit longer before I write anything again... dawn to dusk he's decided to usurp my time for training...! But at least I get to see Seraph every day now, so I have a reason to get up early...!

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 14

2008-12-27T06:49:02Z

This place... it's amazing.

Oh..! Seraph is looking better - her feeding tube was removed, and I can pet her now - I visit her every day, but Inno doesn't seem to want to come. She's busied herself with perusing the marketplace, because she tells me the marketplace in Undraegon is the best in all of Matynar.

I found out that Wisp is the doctor that saved my Seraph, and when I held his hands and told him I really appreciated everything he had done for me and Seraph, he looked uncomfortably away and nodded. He's really a strange fellow - he follows me to the room when I go to see Seraph, and when I ask him if he has any more patients in his clinic, he shakes his head and continues to watch me.

It was just this morning that he said, "You know... those of the Dark aren't bad people... it's only bad people who are bad people." I turned around and blinked at him - it was sort of an odd thing to say, don't you think? Either way, I told him that now, I understood that. A long time ago, I don't think I would have been so keen on coming here.

He stood beside me, and, with a hand on my shoulder, leaned down and smelled my hair. I... I really didn't know what to do - I tensed up, and I was about to look up, when he pulled away and smiled. "You smell like one of the Dark, but you are one of the Light. Doesn't that make you feel special?"

"Why would you say that?" said I.

He told me it was because I could walk amongst others who thought of me positively (unlike the negative image that a lot of Dark-users would get outside of Undraegon) but still be in the Dark's embrace. Funny... he should mention that. And before, I thought it was a curse to be the way that I was but he... he told me he'd rather be like me than the way he is now.

I asked him if it would be okay sometime, after I visited Seraph, that we go out to lunch, and he said it would be fine - as long as he kept his head covered. I didn't ask him why, but I really didn't need to - his black skin was such an anomaly, even I could have picked him out from a crowd...

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 13

2008-12-27T06:46:26Z

Someone came to see me today. At first, I thought he was an angel of death - his skin was completely black, and his hair was a stark white. But then he told me my Seraph would be okay, and I jumped over Inno, who was sitting beside me, just as worried as I was, and embraced him.

He was really stiff for a moment, but then relaxed and patted my head. "She needs time to recover," he said - his voice was deep, and soothing, but I could tell Inno was glaring at him, and pretty soon, he pushed me away. "You can come see her if you want..." he said.

I don't think he's smiled all that often, because it seemed like a strain for him to even muster up the courage to give me a reassuring look.

She was hooked up to tubes... things feeding her, and not herself, and even seeing her like this was enough to make me cry. The man with the black skin nodded at me and told me it would only be a few weeks before the tubes would be removed, and the two of us were lucky to be out alive.

I know that, but...

He told me his name was Wisp. I didn't have the chance to ask him what kind of name that was, because Inno was already drying my tears and leading me away. We're here in an inn, of sorts, and... here, its peaceful.

And here, as I've been learning, is the capitol of the Dark, as they call it.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 12

2008-12-27T06:44:44Z

Oh god, something horrible's happened.

We were right on the edge of Iolce - and truthfully, it would have taken less time if we hadn't slept so much because of fatigue, but... both Inno and I fell asleep, and the next thing I heard was a scream and the smell of burnt flesh - and here Seraph had come to warn us about approaching attackers and was...

She hid in this book but before I could get my hands on it someone stomped on it. I heard her scream.

Oh god, my precious girl...

She's still breathing, and we're here in Undraegon, a shadow temple full of those worried about us.. they said me, especially, because I've been standing outside the dragon tamer's quarters til dawn, asking about my beautiful girl.

Seraph... please be okay.

I'm so sorry.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 11

2008-12-27T06:43:12Z

There are tiny claw marks and dots of blood on this page.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 10

2008-12-27T06:42:07Z

There's war here - that's why I haven't had a lot of time to write. Two weeks ago, we walked from the Beyond into a country called Iolce - and found out, well, the reason why that field full of blood was there.

I don't even know the logistics of how the war started - Inno told me, no one ever does, but the Ice nation from the Beyond and the nation of Iolce, of Thunder users, has begun to fight, and it is not safe for either of us - Inno, with her sparkling hair is mistaken for a Thunder user, and because of my one blue eye, people keep telling me that 'there's ice in ya, boy.' I wish I knew what they meant - but what I -do- know is that as soon as they notice us, Ice or Thunder, they launch their attack, whether verbal or physical.

We've been running for two weeks after journeying across the Beyond, and... well, I'm really tired. I think it's starting to show on even Inno, too - she's sleeping longer and the flames in her hair are growing colder and colder. I told her we needed to keep going, and that I'll keep watch, but she told me how it was -she- that was protecting me, not the other way around.

However, she's fallen asleep on her shift, and here I am, writing in this journal. I hope she sleeps for a while - she looks so pale.

I feel so sheltered... I thought our days of war were over, and that people would be living in peace by now, but I see now that it's not the case. I've decided, I'm not writing in this journal again until we get out of here - because it's far too dangerous to sit and write while still keeping watch. There's hunts all over Iolce for renegades and I suppose we "fit" the bill.

We've passed quite a few battlefields similar to the one we saw in the Beyond, but all of them have struck a chord in me as deeply as the last. I swear, when I get my Shadow element conquered, I'm using it for good, and not for this... these types of atrocities!

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 9

2008-12-27T06:40:19Z

We're still in the Beyond - but it seems to be getting warmer. Unfortunately, now we know why - or rather, not why it's getting warmer, but why there aren't any people here. A little ways ago, we came upon a battleground - for Inno, she didn't even seem to flinch, but seeing the snow dyed a bloody brownish-red made me cringe. At first, it just looked like someone had dyed the ground, because there was nothing else to be seen - but the more and more I looked, bits of.... of people were visible from within the brackish brownness. I nearly choked, but Inno held her hand over my eyes and told me we were moving on.

I wanted to ask her if she knew.. what happened to these people, and how someone could do such a thing - I wanted, if only morbidly, to look it up, to see if there was anything that could be done about it.

However... I don't think Inno knew anything at all - she seemed to be focused on keeping my eyes shut and walking me across the field, holding onto my hand. Maybe she was just as puzzled as I was, but she never showed it.

After we passed the field, I could feel my skin thawing out, and I glanced back, if only for a moment, to see the field. Again, Inno shielded my eyes and told me not to look - what's the harm in looking?

I know she wants to protect me, but I'm not all that innocent. At least... I don't think so anymore.

Heh... I'm really glad I don't have a mirror here, Inno said I'm growing some stubble on my chin, and told me everyone would know that my real hair colour is black. I wonder what people at Charlaya would say! Charlaya... I've almost forgotten where it is. If Elijah saw me with a black beard and black hair, what would he say?

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 8

2008-12-27T06:37:53Z

'm cold.

There's no one here in the Beyond - that's why people say it's the Beyond, but Inno says it's strange. The last time she went out here, there were villages of ice-fishers, and many dogs amongst them, but we haven't been able to see anyone around. It's just about as boring as it is c---

My hand started shaking, I'm sorry. I'm afraid to say... I'm not very well-equipped for this weather at all, and neither is Inno. Most of the time she and I travel close, because the heat from her hair, and the warmth from Demea and Seraph is comforting. Inno asked me one day if I were to die out here, what would I do, and I had nothing to say at all.

"I don't know. I wasn't even thinking about death - were you?"

She laughed and told me she wasn't, either, but she wanted to know if I'd miss anything from my strange land back home.

And I told her no.

Looking back on it, why did I say something like that? I remember everyone's face so clearly... but I remember now, more than when I left, that there seemed to be nothing left for me there. Not because of the phoenix incident, but because there was nothing I had for myself.

Cae, you thought I'd forgotten about you? Maybe I have, little by little. I can't even remember clearly what colour your eyes are anymore.

We came to a canyon in the Beyond, and Inno told me had to go around, but I told her if she held onto me, we could cross. At first, she gave me this look like, isn't this an excuse to hold me? I think I blushed when she slid her hands around my waist and I flew us across the canyon. The funny thing? I didn't even look down, or I wasn't afraid of falling like I normally am. I just was thinking about how warm it was with her arms around me.

Writing this, we've found shelter underneath an ice block a mile from the canyon - Inno has melted through some of the ice, so we're sitting on the ground... for the most part. It's still cold over here in my corner though, I wonder if I can just put my hands on her cheek to stop them from shaking..

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 7

2008-12-27T06:35:58Z

Well, the sickness burnt away part of my arm - the upper left, there's a patch of uneven and torn skin that I'll probably not show to anyone but Inno, who was the one who held me down as they tore away the burnt skin and replaced it with herbs and ice from the Beyond. They told me that if I don't want my body completely melting off, I need to go. I didn't want to hear that, but I thought... it was eventually going to happen.

But Inno told everyone that if there was no cure, she was coming with me. She had traveled to the Beyond before (which is how she got her English-speaking ability), and she said, if I wanted, she could direct me to a Shadow village on the edge of the Beyond.

I asked her then why she hadn't told me about this Shadow village before.

"Because," she replied, "I was hoping that you would have stayed here." She loved her home, and her family here, but if it was me, she would direct me to the village rather than seeing me lost and even worse, possibly falling into one of Th'iurne's many fire pits.

Can you imagine how bad I felt when she waved good-bye to her mother and father, took my hand, and lead me away from the place she loved so much? I told her that she didn't have to go, I could make it on my own, but you know what she said?

"Shikai, you need someone to protect you."

I couldn't think of anything to say beyond that, so I shut up, but... I do? Maybe I do.

Right now we're resting at the brink of Th'iurne and the world Beyond... she's saying her prayers to a Fire Lord that lives in the pits. I can see the Beyond, and it's all... frozen. Ice users must be here, but I see no one in the drifting snow.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 6

2008-12-27T06:34:15Z

I'm so tired of people staring at me, like I'm a chicken with my head cut off - I thought I was out of place sometimes in Charlaya - but that is nothing compared to this. I tried to talk to some women today, but they just shied off from me. What does that mean? Demea chuffed in my ear and Seraph explained in her squeaky-speak that it's not normal for men and women to associate here.

What does that mean? Back where I am, everyone's equal...

I finally walked somewhere that was productive - where the clouds cleared and I found myself almost smack-dab in the middle of fire-pits. I nearly burnt this book hopping from one stone to another (thanks, Demea!) - when I finally crossed the pit I could see some stocky people laughing at me from the other side of the way - I glared at them, but they just kept laughing.

Finally, someone came up to me, and asked - in my language, no less - how I came to be here. Was I an Air user from Alathar? I explained I wasn't, and she smiled, and told me that most people, whether they're compatible in Air or not, stay in Alathar because it's so peaceful. Not me, I said, it made me remember things I'd rather not think about...

"It does that to us, too," she said, "and that is why we never go there. My name is Innotiola, but you can call me Inno. Everyone does."

Maybe it was me, tired of being treated like an outsider, or someone higher than people, or as someone other people can con, but I hugged her tightly. And lo and behold, she hugged me back.

I have to tell you something about Inno - her hair is just gorgeous. She has blonde hair, but flowing through it are strands of fire, that flicker and sway as she walks. If she doesn't like you, she'll burn you, and if she likes you, it feels like a pleasant warmth against your skin. I once told her, while I was stuffing my face on charbroiled pig (they have the best food here!) that if I don't like someone, I don't even tell them, but she started to laugh, and I got upset and pouted.

"Why would you waste their time and yours on a relationship that's nothing?" she asked, touching the black hair on the top of my head. And I wondered that myself. "What we know here in this land - because it is a dangerous land - are the ones who will pull you up from the fire pit, or the ones that will let you fall in. Because the ones that will let you fall in are dangerous, and no one will befriend them."

And maybe, for the first time in my life, I wondered if I wanted to find my mother, and if it really was necessary for mastering my Shadow. She left me in that place, after all. I didn't want to grow up to be the... whatever they wanted me to be, the heir to their inheritance or something - I didn't care about money, I just wanted somewhere warm to fall asleep, and someone to hold my hand...

But she wasn't there at all, for any time in my life! She let me "fall into the fire pit" as Inno had said. I know she meant it literally, but shouldn't I be angry at my mother, and not at myself for not finding her? Shouldn't I have told the ladies at the church that I wasn't a god right off the bat?

I'm not sure. Maybe I was blinded by hoping that good things would come to me if I believed in them.

I guess this is a long entry because I'm currently sick with what people here call "Fire Fever" - where your body heats up to way past its normal level and they need to be bathed in ice in order to get their body temperature down. I'm writing this while Inno's holding one of my toes under the water and joking with me about how you know if you're not a real fire user if you get sick with this.

Her hair is warm.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 5

2008-12-27T06:31:58Z

Where did I leave off in my journal...? Oh, wow, that was a while back. Well, Cae, if you're reading this... Vikas, if you're reading this, (probably not at the same time, but...) 'Lijah - well, I got out safely, thank goodness. I had to run a while, but I finally was able to hide by sliding behind a tree and putting up a Shadow wall between me and the people trying to look for me. Of course, since it was night-time, they didn't suspect that it was just a wall, and not the tree's shadow, so they let it be and went off somewhere else.

It felt weird, using Shadow again - I thought to myself that I hated it, at first - it's a strange tingling sensation that slides up your arm and into your entire body - like poison, or something. I only hoped it didn't spread to my heart and kill off all of me. ...my hair's starting to grow out at the roots, and I remember the last time it happened, I -

But there's no time for panic - I wouldn't trust anyone to dye my hair anyway, and there's no shops here of that sort. Maybe dyeing things indigo from the crushed flowers here upon the plains, but beyond that...

Cae, I'm really sorry, that I just up and left. But I don't know if I'm coming back to Charlaya anymore.

...but again, this isn't any time for despair. I'm writing to describe the plains and hills of Alathar - so beautiful they are, they make you remember things you'd rather forget. Isn't that funny? That's what the locals here told me - obviously, I can't speak their language, but Seraph helps translate for me (wouldn't you know it, we can both generally understand dragonspeak) and I try to communicate with the little Alatharian that I know. The hills here are covered in clouds - and covered in white flowers as well, so it seems as if you're walking on the sky instead of on the ground. Even Seraph walked beside me, and she usually doesn't do that - I think the illusion was even getting to her!

Here, people are wind users. They're lovely people - I want to learn Air in the future - there is no furniture in Alathar, they just conjure up air-bubbles for you to sit on at the bar, or to relax on in their homes. It's hard to trust what some of them say, though - they tend to be really wordy and not know what they're saying, so it's made traveling here difficult since everything looks white and no one knows where they are.

You'd think it was some kind of Heaven! I would keep asking them where I could find someone who would know about my mother, she's a Light user... and they would point to the sky, to the hills - that looked like the sky - and then the ground, and say, "somewhere around here."

If only I understood them like the other Air users! Everyone seems to get along so fluidly here except me. Besides, when I conjure up some sort of Light ball to sit on, they all give me curiously funny looks. As long as it's not predatory looks, and as long as they're not looks of worship, I'm fine with that...

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 4

2008-12-27T06:29:55Z

Well... I wasn't expecting that. At all.

Just to let you all know, I'm hiding atop a tree, where I can see the stars. Seraph's blowing a really, really small light, just so I can write this, but if I hear any noise, I'm going to stop.

I was woken up last night by the sound of this really young girl crying, and I open my eyes to see... a nude girl, about fifteen years old, standing over me and weeping. I guess maybe I didn't think it was weird enough, so I asked her, "What's wrong?"

She just said that she was a present, and wanted me to take her. Take her where? I asked, but she just kept sobbing. I kept asking her things, but she finally threw herself on me and started kissing me - I... really didn't know what to do, except push her off me and tell her that, I wasn't taking her anywhere.

But I suppose the convent ladies heard me, and they stormed into the room, asking why, why wouldn't I accept their gift? Had they not been humble or pious enough? It was then that I realized that... they thought of me as something else, not as a fellow magic-user.... but a god! Or something like that.

I was completely shocked, and I told them that I wasn't... but then they grabbed my hands and started to push me towards this girl... so I had to do something. I just freaked out, I don't know... I screamed at them and flung them away, and ran around my room like a madman, getting Demea's cage and a couple other things before jumping out of the window and using the Light to at least soar out of the boundaries of the convent.

But no, they've been searching for me for a while now, and I hope they don't fi--

The entry ends here.

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 3

2008-12-27T06:24:19Z

Well, I've been all cleaned up for a while, now! It was wonderful for the sisters to take me in, though they were babbling something about me being "the one" because I held a Light ball in front of them when they asked me what "magic" was. Queer people indeed! Magic is everywhere, how would they not know about it?

But no matter! Cae, they're treating me like a prince (and Demea's the princess!). I would summon Seraph here, but I'm too afraid that she would upset the people here - even when I use one thing, like my Light wings to get down from the top floor where I am, they nearly faint. Some people start clapping too, which is so weird, don't you think? I mean, why would they clap at something that's so... normal?

I really can't believe that they've never heard of magic. They're living in Matynar, right? They've got to have heard of it just an eensy-weensy bit. Everyone has the power to do magic, I said, but they won't believe me, really, they won't. They keep telling me that I'm the one who can do magic, not them.

Strange folk, but at least I'm getting food, drink, and a good place to stay!

~Shikai

[OC - Shikai] Journey Part 2

2008-12-27T06:21:35Z

Note to self: Don't ever drink it again.

So, as I know it's so typical in journeys such of these, but I visited a pub in the city of Malthuse, three days journey from Charlaya. It's not a bad town... if you like your fish poisoned by acid rain, and your lungs dirty from the air. Even though Charlaya's in a beautiful forest, I wonder sometimes! So, I went to this pub, for some cake and a drink with Demea, and of course, I meet some magic users - Earth users, I think, from the way they were all barefoot. Anyway, so they start harassing me about how I must be some sort of pansy when I tell them I come from Charlaya - I suppose it's famous for being prestigious, and so that gains it a bad rep with some people who don't like that.

"All right," I say, "then challenge me to a drinking contest!"

Really, I don't drink that much. I was just hoping that my German side would save me... maybe! Wishful thinking on my part, because the next thing I know I wake up covered in vomit... and all my things are gone, except for the things I had in my robes (this book, my pens, small change). Oh Cae, I wish I was back home right now. Being covered in vomit is horrible - and even Demea's stooped to eating pieces of...

Ugh, I think I disgusted myself.

Anyway, I'm sitting on the back of an apple truck en route to a convent - don't you think the nice ladies will take me in? I hope so.

~Shikai

[OC - Shikai] Journey

2008-12-27T06:18:25Z

I was thinking to myself, "Hell's Bells! (for that is how I sound in my head) I really should post up some of my original fiction I never show anyone."

And so, I shall. This is for a character, Shikai Leicht on Charlaya. I wub him. :3 Backstory for said story, he originally was in a relationship with another professor, Caedmon, and after his ridiculous blow-up which cost part of the dorms of Charlaya, decided to leave in ignominy.

Character Guide:
Cae/Caedmon: Shikai's former boyfriend.
Vikas: Shikai's younger brother
'Lijah/Elijah: the Dean of Charlaya and Shikai's confidante
Seraph: Shikai's white dragon pup
Demea: Shikai's lop-eared rabbit

He had his bags packed, had left a note to Cae explaining where he was going... which was vague in and of itself, it was just... "Out. I'm going out."

It took all the power he had in him to leave that cryptic note, and beyond that, to leave Caedmon. He satisfied himself by telling himself that Cae would be here when he got back, just waiting, like he always did, with that quirky grin and arms open wide.

It was shameful, what he had done to his beloved Charlaya, and to the people in it. Vikas must have been ashamed to see his own brother go completely nuts, call forth a phoenix summon, and...

He shook his head and banished his thoughts. He was going to find his mother, and to ask her about how to master the Shadow inside him so this would never happen again. Little did he know what sort of journey he was about to embark on.

Tune in for next times! :D

[Fanfic] Teh Writing Meme

2008-08-14T20:52:51Z

Good times writing good fanfiction. I'll post them all up here for the record. :p

"Limbo" for dreamer_scribe
"Kitten" for expostulation
"Redemption" for calliopeoracle
"Fumigation" for kyrinchibi
"Hunt" for jacksandjokers
"Hyper" for afterglowsecret
"Cake" for tempest_strife
"Vampire" for softlycrying

That was a fun, writing-filled three days. 83

[Fanfic - DDS] Nirvana

2007-10-06T03:12:19Z

I decided on a happy ending, since the game is so very sad. :3 This is when Heat joins your party at the end. ♥

Warnings: Serph x Heat, spoilers, bloody kissing... err, there's not a lot of hardcore stuff in here. :3

The harsh sounds of footsteps reverberated down the hallway, cold and silent as the edifice itself. From left to right, there were closed doors – he passed them by, arrogantly nonchalant, knowing which door he was looking for. At the end of the long stretch of metal, sitting innocently close to the briefing room, was a door, the same metal sheen glittering on its surface as the rest of the Embryon base.

He cared not to knock – he merely threw the door aside with one gloved hand, listening to the echoing boom it made when it hit the other side. A bare bed was situated in one corner of the room, and on the other side, a desk strewn with battle strategies, charcoal drawn in crude characters across the paper – he would know that writing from anywhere – and a basin edging up against the footboards of the bed.

Suddenly, the intense loneliness that had been permeating the area seemed to sink into his skin, cold and damp, first through his fingertips, and up his bare arm, underneath his cloak still painted with the colours grey and orange, and to the tips of his crimson hair. A shudder wracked his body and he fell against the hinge of the door, producing a thick thumping sound that drifted once more down the hallway like a forlorn spirit. His scarlet eyes stared at the bed for a long time, flicking from the desk back to the bed, and back to the sink – the three objects, desk, bed, sink, and all over again.

He was looking for him… he knew this was the wrong place to look, but he seemed to be eternally trapped in his memories, longing for a time before this place had crumbled under the powers of the Cyber Shaman. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he wanted to believe that this still was real, but his consciousness was weighing against his thoughts of idealism. This isn’t real. He betrayed me. I should have had her…no. I should have had him.

Sera was gasping as Serph turned dials mercilessly, a complacent expression on his face, mirroring the one he had the last time they met. That face…

“She’s not human. She can’t feel any pain.”

“Stop it… you monster… stop!!”

Easily manipulated. That’s how he felt. Her and he both – he was the one that caused her all her pain, and yet she believed him to be her saviour. He had followed him to the ends of their Junkyard, into Nirvana… for what? To be assaulted with what he saw for the first time to be true rage? To be beaten in the face with the injustice that he had suffered, that he was simply a pawn for Serph to play around with?

And yet… as much as he was looking for him, something farther than his conscious wandered out into ridiculous possibilities that there was something more to this rage that was pulsing through his body. Though it was anger keeping him alive still, he could not help but feel that his blood ran cold through his veins.

Through the data, a sensation rippled through his body – it took him a moment to become adjusted to it, but he finally figured out what it was.

Touch.

From the VR display screen, he whirled around, his headset clattering to the side, ropes buoyantly bouncing from the weight of the headpiece. Edged up against the display of the room on the screen in front of him, he made out the slim fingertips of a pale hand upon his, a thin, triangular-shaped ring on his finger. Heat’s eyes flicked over to his face, enclosed in shadows, before he was finally able to visualize the form of two greyish-blue eyes looking at him hopefully, the black tattoo on his cheek bathed in the monitor light.

“You…” he started, attempting to sound furious, but the sound came out weak, almost inaudible, his back pressed against the control panel, hands gripping the sides. Serph simply smiled sadly, his eyes looking more tired than usual, and gestured to the screen in front of them. Heat barely had time to look over to the scene that he was gesturing at before the other spoke.

“I miss it, too.”

Instinctively, Heat grabbed his shoulder, hard, glaring into his endless eyes. “Like hell you do!” he rasped, not bothering with the stupid questions of “how did you get here?” He had fought alongside Serph through many battles – he knew exactly how he got in here and to him. “What did you come here to do, make a mockery of me!?”

The eyes hardened into slits, and something bubbled up inside the redhead, something akin to the feeling he had when he would devour – a hot, slick feeling that seemed to sickeningly slide its way to your stomach and throughout your entire being. He could feel coolness in the air, and he believed if he were to look at the fingertips on his shoulder, he may see icicles standing out against the snowy-white skin. But he didn’t look away from his eyes, the eyes that looked like the intoxicating rain that always fell in the Junkyard…

Heat moved his hand from Serph’s shoulder to his neck – his movements were guarded, almost strategic, and when he felt the frigidity emanating from the other’s skin, he held him harder, feeling warmth slip through his fingertips, away from his body. The cold hand on his shoulder had not moved an inch – the right side of his body seemed to be completely frozen.

As if a he jumped from a still life to an animation, Serph was the first to move. His eyes slid to the side, and as if this was some sort acceptance, Heat slid his hand down his back, pressing his lips to the silver-haired one’s neck. From his close proximity to his voice box, he could hear Serph whisper, in his characteristic low voice, “I’m sorry…” At the mere words, Heat shivered, kissing harder against his neck. “Don’t make me kill you again,” he murmured, his words pleading.

When Serph turned his head slightly, he would feel something warm and wet against his neck – he would know, just like he wanted him to know, that they were his tears. Maddeningly so, Heat thought – he always knew what he was thinking at any given moment, but he could never figure him out.

Heat was about to pull away – the thought of him showing weakness to Serph was inexcusable, but when he raised his head, the hand that was previously on his shoulder was pressing against his skull, matted into his crimson hair, and when he saw a smile on the tired, pale face that was so used to hardship, he couldn’t help but to hug him closer. Under his arms, he could feel the other relaxing, slowly letting his exceptional guard down, and allowing his body to sag, just under the sheer weight he had to carry.

“It won’t come back…” he growled in a gruff voice, kissing Serph’s throat, feeling his hand tangled carelessly in his hair. “But we’re here…we’re all here…”

That’s right. The place may not be here… but we are…right?

Serph nodded quietly, his eyes glancing down to where Heat had unfastened his collar, their eyes meeting again for a moment before Heat spoke again. “I…know this isn’t Nirvana.”

The icy grey eyes considered him for a moment, before the owner replied, “Who said it wasn’t?”

At this, Heat stared at him, his lips parted in a half-protest. “But…” He was taken off-guard by the thin fingers grabbing his chin and guiding his lips to the other’s mouth – the metallic tang of blood mixed with the natural chill of his tongue sent shudders down his spine, his cape rustling as he backed up against the control panel of the backup Junkyard, still serenely displayed on the screen as a desolate metal room. Even though Serph had a strong grip on him, he could feel his lips shaking violently against his – whether from nervousness or stress he was unsure, but he responded by biting his lip, drawing blood from the other’s skin and sucking at it ravenously. Unlike when he would devour something, the sickening feeling was replaced with something entirely new – a deliciously warm flood of sweet, sticky liquid, touching his tongue and overwhelming him with something exquisitely desirable.

Serph pulled away from him, softly gasping, cimarron blood running from between his lips, dribbling onto his grey uniform and splotching the Embryon colours with darkness. His eyes seemed to flicker, and to almost fade from their normally intense glare, though he was staring at Heat with such intensity that the other didn’t even notice his hand on his chest, pushing him down onto the control panel. The speakers let out a beep of protest, the image of the deserted room, warped and faded into the abyss of data from whence it came. Only half-aware of his re-positioning, Heat was reawakened by the taste of Serph’s blood dripping from his mouth onto the side of his cheek – the way he was holding his abused lips seemed to be in a sort of effeminate pout, though his face showed otherwise.

He attempted to raise his shoulders from the position they were in, but his Leader had pushed him down again onto the control panel, before lowering his face to his, a hand undoing the clasps of Heat’s cape and allowing it to slide out from under the two of them, coming to rest in a crumpled pile on the floor. When Heat moved again, he didn’t stop it – he simply allowed the fingers to touch his tattoo, for the thumb to wipe away the last bit of blood that was clinging onto his trembling bottom lip.

As soon as the thumb had lost contact with his mouth, he was licking the rest of his blood from Heat’s cheek, his grip soft but strong against the other’s shoulders. The crimson-haired one said nothing, but he did visibly squirm under the feeling of Serph’s wet tongue against his skin.

You’re only doing this to make me like this, he said to himself, though the thought was neither bitter nor malignant.

As Serph pulled away, he could see a gentle smile tugging at his features, and something more he had not gleaned from his previous smiles – a sense of infinite patience and trust. No longer did the smiles before seem arrogant or pretentious, but simply infinitely patient. In the back of his mind, something clicked – whether or not he wished it to or not, he was unsure – that it seemed, this entire time, Serph had trusted and believed in him, while he was parading himself as a sick martyr for the ignominy he had suffered through. He gritted his teeth, opening his mouth to say something, anything that would make him seem smarter than he felt at the moment but the second he felt Serph’s hand on his chest, sliding downwards with the zipper in tow, and the lips against his collarbone, he let out a heavy sigh, the sound echoing throughout the room, ending in a weak laugh.

As the laugh faded from his lips, he could feel the hands on his shoulders shaking.

Looking down, he could see silver hair pressed against his bare lower chest, thin arms extended to his shoulders where they gripped onto his suit as if his life depended on it. Serph’s shoulders were quivering and his whole body seemed to be possessed by some sort of electric shock. Heat grabbed him, at first thinking that there was something wrong with him, but when he looked upon his face, he saw the exhausted features twisted into an expression of severe pain, from what he could not figure out, but he seemed to be crying… sans tears.

Heat felt as if he should understand, but as hard as he thought, he couldn’t come up with a reason. Nevertheless, he enveloped the other in a hug, feeling completely at loss with himself as Serph seemed to shrink into a small child in front of his eyes. Before, he had seemed freezing to the touch, but now, pressed up against his half-undone suit, against bare flesh, he was burning up.

For a few minutes he did nothing but hold Serph, though at the end of the time that seemed eternal but so infinitesimally short, he leaned over, sliding a piece of Serph’s hair behind his ear and kissing him on the forehead. The surprisingly tender gesture seemed to shock the silver-haired one, who took one of his hands from around his shoulders and held it fast, twining his fingers in his.

Heat could hear footsteps outside, and the sound of Gale talking in monotones to an apparently concerned Sera, who was intermittently calling out Serph’s name, while an unmistakably Jamacian voice harmonized with hers. Buttoning up Serph’s collar, he glanced towards the door, and then towards Serph, who was looking up at him, again, with his patiently waiting expression. Are you coming with us?

The unspoken question seemed to burn its way into his head – things were different, and not like the Junkyard… this was Nirvana, and things had drastically fallen apart in front of all of their eyes.

Before he could answer, his suit had been zipped up for him, his cape picked up and thrown over his shoulder, and warm hands were pulling him determinedly towards the door to the outside, towards the voices. He attempted to resist, but just once, for when Serph glanced back at him he could see the hope dully shining in his eyes, the bruised lips smiling just so, he sighed, shaking his head and striding out the door into the open air and shocked faces of his “comrades.”

“Heat…!!”

”You…bastard…”

“Serph, what happened to your…?”

He lifted his shoulders, seeming to shrug off what seemed like years of anger, deceit, and treachery, staring down Gale as he nodded. “Care to join us?” Gale asked casually, though the question struck deep into him, his fingertips still lightly touching Serph’s, who was motioning to Sera that his lips were okay, he just tripped on Heat’s cape…

Heat nodded, and gazed over at Sera, who was regarding him cautiously. Perhaps things hadn’t changed, at least with her, but everything else… there was time. There was so much time left for him, and them.

Besides, what was Nirvana without comrades?

.Friends Only.

2007-10-04T16:16:03Z

..Friends Only~!..

Due to the fact that this is my very personal writing and drawing journal, I'm only opening this journal to friends. I understand the internet is a public place, but this is my attempt at making a small bit of the Net my own. :3 Perhaps there should be more disclaimers here, but I'm not really looking for approval - just a nice place where I can share my writings and drawings with friends.

♥,
Me